So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
