Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
