Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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