I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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