So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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