What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
