and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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