I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
