Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
