i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
