so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
