The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, beer. Big fan.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
