he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
