2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize