just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
