I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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