It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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