I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
