I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
