The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't put those talents on a resume
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
