marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
