You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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