She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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