I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
