Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
