remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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