she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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