You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
