in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
