I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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