She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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