life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
