you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
