xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
