dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
