Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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