My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
