grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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