Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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