So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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