So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
