If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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