his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
