She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
