You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
