The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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