I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize