6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
