As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
