I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
