Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize