I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
