Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
