hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
