I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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