Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
