I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
