Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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