What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize