Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
