oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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