I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
