Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
