Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
