one might say we're banned from that church
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
