Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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