Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
