I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
