do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Duck Duck Cougar?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
