who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
