I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
