I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
