i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
