Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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