she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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