I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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