Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
