Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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