piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
