i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
